I love to tell a good story and my life occurs to me like many good stories in
which I see the deeper meaning shining through. I happen to have three
children all in their teens, this I mention because as many parents know, to
have a child is to be willing to go through anything for the sake of the
child’s life and the bond between them and you. In our lives it can seem a
simple equation, that when relationships fail to offer what is hoped for, we
can easily break the bond and over time separate ourselves and move into a new
relationships and or situations. I am sure there have been parents and
also children who have chosen this path, but it is never an easy break. So, in
life to truly live a life of power, love and peace we must be willing to go
through whatever it is to become the “Source”, of it all. Never to say I
have had enough but instead to say what is the deeper meaning and the gift in
this moment or situation. We must move the small self over and become who we
truly are and that is a “being as vast as the cosmos. A consciousness
superimposed over all that is, (given by Almine at
spiritualjourneys.com). When we can step deeper into and not shrink away
from what life presents to us we begin to realize that nothing is too much.
Instead we are strengthened in it and then in all areas of our life, because
the capacity to hold largeness expands in us.
I recently found myself somewhere that I never in this life
thought I would go; there I was in jail. I had gotten into an argument
with my husband, strangely enough over the inability for us to resolve the
difference in paradigms we found ourselves to be. I had come home from a
trip with an enlightened master a month prior only to feel out of sync with
those around me. They wanted to know what was wrong with me, as this is
how I was being perceived. I myself felt fine, I had entered into what is
called infinite time and my thoughts were very much in the background to a very
blissful state of deep awareness. The simplest moment sent blissful waves
throughout my body. I had wanted very much to stay in this place. I
was spending a lot of silent time and had requested to the best I thought, that
communications be only spoken if they were important. What I meant was to
lessen the chatter that really went nowhere and to focus on what was the most
important thing in each moment. What I had considered in my expanded state
to be very clear and obvious, was not so for those around me. I was met with
more chatter and static filled communications. One afternoon I lay in my
bed floating in this bliss, I left my room and heard a dissonant sound from the
another room. My husband was watching TV. And the sound felt like a very
loud attack on my senses. After so many disagreements the sound pulled me, what
felt violently out of this state of eternal time. I immediately flipped out and
an argument ensued. After that it went from bad to worse. I finally
booked another trip with my daughter to a dance camp for a week and off we
went. I didn’t speak to my husband for a week. Back into my joyful world I
went. A week of another kind of intensity, dancing 7 hours a day, along with my
insatiable need to flirt and interact with others meaningfully. When one is in
a constant state of joy one can easily become somewhat manic. Awareness can
turn into quasi psychism. It is difficult to explain, but staying
grounded as one enters expanding paradigms is helpful advice. Just be
normal, go with it in a matter of fact fashion. Don’t make too much of
it. I experienced several awareness altering events on my trip to the bay
area after camp. I could see the people around me so clearly and there
profound state of self-identification and unawareness of it. This may sound
haughty, all I can say is I became aware of my level of awareness juxtaposed
against the backdrop of those around me, very profoundly.
I begged my daughter to let me wear her ipod to drown out the voices and
conversations around me. I was on a journey into the deepest parts and a
process of cracking open my luminous egg, this is somewhat like entering hell.
After being mugged accosted and witnessing crazy people in the street and
sidewalks I came home to a very strained marriage. Russ and I had not
spoken the entire week. I was panicked over seeing him, as our
conversations were always combative. The next day after getting home we had a
fight that prompted me to throw pebbles at his office and I accidentally broke
a window. I know, not very enlightened of me. Well let me tell you
enlightenment is not always the way you think it is going to be. I am not some
ascetic in a cave, I am a wildish woman and I have always been. I dance I sing
and paint. I embrace life the good the bad and the beautiful, all of it.
I don’t apologize for my wildish nature I only work on taming it. Off to
jail I went for vandalism. I complied and only thought how glad I was that I
was showered and cleaned up. Several hours later the doors shut behind me
as I entered the cold hard white holding tank. I was not upset, as I knew that
I was on a sacred journey and that I could face whatever was asked of me. I was
still in this blissful state and I thought at least I would have the time to
sit and enjoy myself without my husband and family constantly bombarding me
with questions and needs. So it only got bad around 2 in the morning, it was
cold and the bench was hard and I only had a light cotton skirt and t- skirt
on, they took my shoes so I was barefoot. I had conversations with the two
women in there and they seemed interested in my lack of upset. Hours went by
and the two had been released as I wished them well. Sometime early in
the morning in came a very terrifying woman. She looked as though she
could be beautiful with a gorgeous figure and very beautiful skin. At first she
took the roll of toilet paper and said I am going to sleep, she lay down and
looked as though she would soon be asleep. Then the guard passed food in
through the opening, she picked at it and then threw it down and went into a
rage. She was terrifying and resembled someone possessed by a demon. She had
blood on her hair as she yelled at me and screamed into the phone. I wanted to
reach out to her, her pain brought tears to my eyes. I told her
everything is going to be o.k. She looked at me with such hatred and said shut
the hell up. I thought she might attack me. The guard asked me to step
outside the room. I thought great now I am being rescued, only to be told
to face the wall. The whole experience was meant to strip one of any sense of
dignity. I didn’t particularly feel badly, but most certainly I wanted to
be released. I was finally put in the main jail around 5 a.m. The
woman who shared a cell with me was kind and very helpful and caring. We
bonded quickly and spent my final hours together in true kinship. Everyone in
the various cells took to me during lunch and I felt sincere love there. It was
a deeply sad place. Throughout all of my experiences I have been diligent in
remaining aware and looking at, what is the deeper meaning behind it. Of
course don’t vandalize and take care of one before anger turns to rage. Anger
is helpful as a catalyst, but anger turned to rage is always destructive and a
poor choice. There are many tools available and using them is wise.
I share this story with you as a way to reveal to you that growth and
enlightenment are not an easy and smooth transitions. Real growth and
change can cause great seeming chaos and disruption. Pay attention and
remain aware but try to stay away from blanket judgments. Life is never
the way it appears, the deeper meaning and lessons can only reveal themselves
to one who can stand unafraid and ready in the face of anything. We must
be careful when we say life and circumstances are too much, if we do this we
may miss the opportunity to truly become enlightened in our lives.
The habit of explaining ourselves making ourselves small and
making excuses for the new paradigms we are stepping into is one of
destructiveness not just to ourselves but to those we wish to encourage and
teach. When we do this we are expressing doubt in that which is
still in the stage of forming, thus closing it of from ever branching out and
becoming Real. In this new world the one we are living in presently, the
rules and laws are in a rapid change and progression. We cannot afford
and do not have neither the time nor the space to waiver and give into doubt
and dismissal of the magic and great mystical mystery that is being revealed to
us. The realms that have long remained hidden will only reveal themselves
to those who are ready to move quickly to drop false belief systems that are no
longer holding value. Hold on tight beloved ones imagine yourselves as
though you were standing in the eye of a great storm. All of the winds blowing
around you, as all of life is being taken up and blown to shreds, there you
stand firmly planted in the Divines solid platform. Take your beautiful
and strong arm and reach out to those who will take hold, pull them up into
your space of peaceful knowing. This is the great task, the one you are
being called to.
After all this seeming chaos, I was looking through the photos of
my trip to dance camp at just the right time of complete discouragement there
they were. 38 photos with dozens and dozens of orbs floating in all kinds of
scenes and happenings. The fairies I had been calling on and practicing fairies
magic with appeared. I never had any doubt, and now there they were in
such whimsical joyful ways. I don’t need proof of how I feel and what I see and
perceive. This is a gift of the mother to me and I am through ally amazed
by it.
Practice what Almine calls eternal time, that is allow your heart
center to open and to radiate out until it encompasses the edges of the cosmos.
Imagine yourself as a being as vast as the cosmos, a consciousness superimposed
over all that is. Continually drop all of your thoughts into the vast deep
ocean until you are finally fully present fully aware of right now. Stay there
goes there often. If you can do this then you can begin to start to see
what is there to look at. What there is to do and what there is to
be? If you spend all of your thoughts on comparing that which is said to
you and all you experience against the backdrop of what you believe or think
about it you have missed the mark and you will be unable to discern really
anything. You are not your beliefs and you are not your thoughts, you are
a being as vast as the cosmos, you really are all life and all things.
You are that. So in order to know what is, you are that. In this state of
consciousness nothing can really be hidden, unless of course for the sake of
the journey, the flavor and delight of it all. If you are suffering, then
ask yourself what is the deeper meaning of this. You are a divine manifester of
all life. Yes you are as large as that.
I have a cute story to tell you. I was talking to some
friends at my recent dance camp. Namely the superlative “Mendicino Music
and Dance Camp” and I was joking about how whenever I walk into a party I
am surrounded by droves of adoring fans who surround me and clap at my every
move. We were having a great time laughing and joking. Later on that
night I kid you not I walked into the evenings performance and concert hall and
was surrounded by a whole group of people clapping for me and kissing and
adoring me. The friend who was with me was dumbfounded, I looked at him
and said see what I told you, he didn’t get it.
Your spiritual practice makes a difference; the main idea is to
stay in a state of love praise and gratitude for it all, (refer to books by
Analee Skarin also Almine). Every spiritual practice is important as it leads
to the next step. Know that you are divinely guided and ask for your
prayer requests fervently. Be serious and really put yourself into the
practice. Your practice is not a means to an end; it is the thing itself
so the way in which you enter into it is the fulfillment. Happiness is not the
reward for the gifts you give for god, your happiness is the gift you give. In
other words your practice is all of it. Every thought word and movement you
make in life is living the abundant and awakened life or it is not. It is that
simple. It is your choice whether you go back on yourself and continue to
struggle to know or whether you rest in the knowing that is all around you.
Please heed my words, when the mystery presents itself to you, scoop it
up and get to know it. Get into life, dive in, roll down hills and learn hard
things, travel to distant lands and abstain from junk food and drugs of all
sorts. Live life unaffected by the seeming bad things that have befallen
you. Scoop all of them up and wrap them in beautiful paper and
bows. Create rituals and burn incense. Go on walks to meet cat’s
dogs and horses. Collect rocks and swim in oceans and rivers. Dive
in roll around and immerse yourself in life. Disconnect from the habit of
looking good in order to fit into a model that doesn’t even exist anymore.
Notice how you move through life, are you fluid and bendable can you shimmy and
twirl in a crowd to a great tune or are you stiff and confined and in a
constant state of contraction and fear. Ask yourself who and what am I
serving by who I am being in this moment. If you are struggling that is fine,
find someone safe to share this with so that you may begin to move out of this
place in a comfortable and timely manner. There are resources always available
for you no matter how deep you are. Sometimes fully immersing yourself in this
deep place without self medicating and or trying to fix it or even get out of
it. Sometimes to deeply feel where you re is the most valuable place to
be.
“The girl who wanted to be a porcelain doll”
She already had long hair, but wanted to play with really long hair, so there
she sat in the hairdresser chair getting a few extensions. She was always
thinking of the magic, she did magic in her room in the afternoon she did Bel
Vas Pata healings in her car after the gym and in every free moment he spoke
the language of the Goddess and spoke silent affirmations. After a trip
to see Almine she had fell asleep after many hours dropping her thoughts into
the sea. After that joy lived in her and her stomach tickled with
glee. She saw before what was so, and now her thoughts became more
background to the majesty that she spent years to be present to. Sitting
became a very happy time for her and also a wonderful time to observe.
Troubles came back after that in the form of her family. They
wanted to know what she had to offer and only noticing her inordinate need for
silence they became increasingly annoyed. She went on another trip with her
teenage blonde haired daughter, the princess Jasmine.
Here she again entered sacred and eternal time. She moved through live
unafraid flirting and dancing. After that she again entered a hellish
domain. This time it was different as she was observing all that was
happening still in bliss. She knew that she was experiencing a growth on a
deeply personal level and at the same time something vast was happening .
These events were not only for her but for all life and all beings. She
went through it all sometimes stumbling ungraciously and even in those times she
knew that at sometime this would to pass to reveal a heavenly life. It was this
she kept marking. What an exciting time what an exciting life and what a
delightful body and mind to go through it with.
Just something to think about……