This is the reality of the matrix and to try and fix it is impossible the only way is to get entirely out of it, you cannot depend on your brother or sister your husband or wife to get you out, you have to pull up your boot straps and get the hell out of dodge. We have to stop playing the chords of this program that was implanted to feed off our energy source which is immeasurable. We have to stop blaming our parents our teachers and our mates because they didn’t believe in us, they are controlled by the same program and to blame them is more of the same program. It is an a killer and it will get you every time. Lets all let go and start to fly, lets all take the responsibility to be the great man and woman we know ourselves to be underneath this Fing mess. If you want to write and illustrate a book stop blaming everyone and thing around you and do it. If you want to go to Italy then buy the ticket and go. If you are sick and tired of yourself and your life then put on some beautiful music, clean up you space and dance.

One of the lessons that I have been presented with is that my son left to live in a cult, disconnecting from our family and telling us that out family is missing something and that his new life is what he is certain he wants. I know that this way of life is deeply limiting and in fact is taking his individuality and self determining power away. I have struggled with many limiting and fearful and hurtful beliefs. I have discovered an immutable truth in all of this. I am an eternal timeless being who has an endless wealth of knowledge, talent and beauty. I have everything within my being and in fact I am part of everything and I can travel and expand out over the entire cosmos at will. The only thing that has been damaged and taken away from me in this experience is my limiting and false beliefs about myself and life. If I continue to live my life holding on to these false concepts I will not only suffer I will cause the fabric of life to suffer. Deep peace is a choice that can be accomplished although it takes letting go of addictions and pulling away from self diminishing activities and conversations. We must become sovereign within and without in all of our interactions and all of our environments. We must become quiet and listen  to the silent whispers of the One Life.

I dreamt last night that I was somewhere with people that I don’t know or recognize in my waking life. I was interacting with these people and in my dream world I knew them. I woke up and during the morning hours I had an inner vision of being the center of all life. All life spun like a ferocious tornado around me. I knew that life was changing extremely rapidly and it was dissembling in order to become entirely new.  We cannot normally see or perceive this, I clearly experienced myself as free from the grids of life and also as having several bodies going this way and that way. It is important to be able to experience this multi dimensionality so that we can access  the reality behind the appearances. How can we know what is real and what is not real. When we can disconnected from all the things that bring fear and false thoughts such as scary movies, pornography, drugs, pot, and use our god given abilities of faith and vision we can live and learn to notice the small joys and signs in our daliy activities.

Judgment and discernment are two different things and to judge someone or something as bad or as good is limiting and a closed way of approaching life. Whereas discerning simply allows us to choose in each moment if someone or something is for us or not preferred. If I spent time condemning someone or something I am creating an artifice which has no possibility of change, transformation , transfiguration or transcendence. Pollution, greed, poison addiction and all the like are only temporary conditions that can and do change. No one or thing is the way we think it is or isn’t.

We are being asked to accept the chaos of the moment and understand that chaos is a gift and the source of great unfoldment in our lives. I recently heard a talk where someone was saying that earth is the only planet where humans walk blindly being unable to see outcomes of anything to any certainty. It is a place of extreme evolvement for those brave enough to traverse the dark forest that life holds on this planet. We have been given the practices to walk through, yet are we going to take up the mantle or not. I believe that having the rug pulled out from beneath our feet, however that looks to each of us is the great gift, What can we lose I say lets go for it. Stop being afraid of being alone, stop being afraid that we wont survive, so what if we don’t? Start believing that we are powerful beautiful magnificent, profoundly talented and creative. We are successful at everything we do with inspired action. We can never be separated from what we love and when it appears that we are then something fantastic is unfolding. Start believing our fantasies and expecting them to happen, get excited about our lives now.

I called in to Golden Hawks another Reality Show last night, and in the brief conversation with her and her guest something became quite apparent. The things that are happening could really get me sent to the looney bin if told under the right circumstances. Along with the multidimensional awareness’s that seem to multiplying each week. I am experiencing burning eyeballs even with the accompanying blisters. I am affecting everyone in my environment to such a degree that it is like a huge I reject  you reject me festival. I forgot to mention that I also lose all sense of who I am where I am what day and time it is if I even lay down to nap for a few minutes.  Now it is just a matter of course. Recently I added the feeling of jettisoning out to far away places rapidly during sleep. The faster and further I go the more my eyes ache.

Well the Rejection theme seems to be an integral and important part of this entire scenario. Where am I going with this you may ask? For god sakes I dont know, although I have several good guesses. There must be a good reason that many of us light workers have experienced rejection for years. To prepare us for this new way of being in life. Who and what is being rejected? Old worn out belief systems, false concepts, illusory paradigms. We have become experts of seeing the writing on the wall and we are very well aware of what is Truth and what is a false belief. For instance, here’s something my dear old dad told me a few months ago. Your in the second half of your life and its all down hill from here, Thanks dad. I am only using this as an extreme example of all the conversations we hear every single day. It is almost like someone opens thier mouth and all I can hear myself say inside is, that’s not true, oh that not true and that is not true. Just last week my gorgeous husband told me you don’t look a day over 40. He actually thought that it was a compliment, I was simmering for a week until I finally had to tell him. I said look Russ I need to tell you I hope you understand that I am not my age. He said I was telling you that you look ten years younger than your age! Well dear I am not 50, I am not an age. I am an eternal and timeless being who is expressing the perfect body and mind and if I appear a certain age to you, it is your mis perception of reality, not mine. He is just exasperated at my constant need to reconfigure what most humans deem as normal reality. Well folks the gig is up and what most people think is not normal its a mental construct mean to control and keep us in check. Its only when we decide that enough is enough and that we are going to co create a new cosmos from what we know to be the Truth and step into it powerfully unafraid of being rejected. We have been implanted with mental constructs that  tell us ,I should shut up and buck up. .I do not mean that you should  go around spreading the word of all the false concepts out there. What I do mean is that we tell the truth when asked and that we accept opportunities to witness our reality to those who want to know or ask. To gain clarity when we need it and if it means to reject or to be rejected well all I can say is welcome to the rejection party.

I want to create new reality right now. That all my three grown children love me and that that comprehend the fact that both their father and I are and have always been wildly in love with them. I am creating a kingdom of the awakened gods and goddess to walk in sovereignty and live every day in rapturous bliss of abundance. We are together and we are living in the greatest and most blessed time ever. Each moment I say and do the perfect thing that always leads to my own and all others good. Great and many things are transpiring right now and we are being led to our good with each step and every breath. We are evolving in love and our gifts are multiplying exponentially. Each creative action touches all life to its fulness and blossoming. With each false concept, construct and belief that dissolves universes of glory unfold,We have arrived welcome to the endless party…

I saw a formula evolve out of my need to get out of the grief and sorrow of not being able to speak to my youngest son. I saw that the main component was separation, knowing within myself that separation is an illusion I fought against it anyway. As my birthday and mothers day came I found a beautiful painting of a young girl holding flowers and a letters wrapped in pink ribbon at the local thrift store. This is the exact type of art I love to display in my home. The day prior to this my daughter wrote me an exquisite letter and my son had a spring bouquet delivered to me. I saw that I must appreciate and allow the gratitude of these gifts to fill me and let go of the seeming illusion of not speaking to my third son. As the days have proceeded I have seen that I can only shift myself through my expanded perception and allow the lessons to move through me and alter my life. This is all any of us can do and as I began to fully embrace this I felt all life changing and moving around the center of my being. Instead of being my small self and knowing interminably that I am all things I became larger and larger and became ALL. An equation evolved from this it goes like this: Combine Separation with Oneness and merge them in order to cancel both polar opposites and the result is Allness. This is being any identity I choose while being all things simultaneously.

Must death be my only reprieve from a life where half is  climbing up hill to my hopes and dreams, and then with the inevitable decent where  broken dreams, mistakes and lost loved ones must be endured.  I remember myself again and I am a spark of light shooting forth through all time and space. I am a beauteous beast, a goddess and a child of light. My flame burns eternal and can never be doused for I am an original creation. I am real, the decider of fates, I am a sovereign pillar and what I say goes forth before me calling all who hear me to come to my throne. I walk through the ruins of kingdoms long  gone who wish to rise again.  I hear them calling, the wind speaks my name and I am falling, letting go  and slipping into this deep chasm of the eternal flame. I am imperishable I am a winged  sphinx and I am the goddess who prays to the sun. The sun and I are linked as we lie side by side speaking our sacred language of the evolution of man. Joy of joys await as we let go of all thoughts that are not from the eternal Wholeness and Allness that is the Eternal springboard of all life.

She lies asleep as her down filled bed, the mattress is her fortress and the pillows are her servants. As she lies sleeping in draping gauzy white gowns, she is a wild woman. Disrespecting visitors can only sit close to her now as she drifts in between worlds inattentive to their wanting ways. She awakens and is alone, soft delicate porcelain toes and feet fall over the bed. Leaning forward catapulting into the newly formed day. Mirrors covered in her timeless day-breaking thoughts. Meadows of moist green grass with bees pollinating the yellow blossoms sing their tunes.  She is a wild woman waiting pulsating stumbling before flight. Misunderstood only by the dross pulled up by butterfly wings she fly’s through the daybreak. Moving running skipping and dancing. A melodious song sings her course. She cannot be captured by a still photo or a boardroom discourse, she be muddles minds to a cacophony of confusion, the Exploding potential of breaking the sound barriers in her environment leave flower petals and fairy dust. She is the Madonna who runs naked  in the street, the momentary break in the day, she is a perpetual antagonist of stagnant ideas, she is always changing yet remains changeless in her wild escapades.

She is a water fairy who swims with children splashing salty water over little wild haired heads. A mother to herself as she pushes her chicks out of the nest, lying and floating in lines her soft voice falls on attendant listening. Driving white vans filled with wistful treasures to bring glad tidings of self sovereignty to children that listen. She is the largest listener sitting under sacred waterfalls floating above the earth. Her blue gowns waft in the solar winds as her song covers the lands. The people raise up on tippy toes, hands to ears as they grow to pointy tips.  Rapid explosions of in between openings as she walks upright and gently through the streets.

Plates of delicate porcelain designs are cradled in shell lined fortresses. soft soled black heels buckled below the ankles support the swaying movements in darkened rooms filled with passionate sounds. Red dress swirling soft legs twisting and turning perfectly to the music. She is the prodigal dancer. She is the dance and the music without choosing, as this is the evening song of her wildish nature. All wild women dance while shadows bristle at her movement she move past them filling the unreal with her large red swirling magnificence. The entire Cosmos sings YES yes yes knowing the dance is life’s song and to live is to dance and to dance is to breath passionate song into the evening to create a daybreak of song.

The American Culture is riddled with pornography and all types of sexual human behavior that is below what the natural human would engage in given that their life’s would be lived from the pure emotions of a realized life. The question and the integration of enough humans to balance their relationship with natural sexuality to impact and resolve the aberrations of a pornographic relationship will take something big to happen. It is in each of us being responsible and learning what a true relationship to sexuality is. I grew up in the culture of Hawaii and it is revealed and spoken about by my beloved Almine that the Hawaiians are the direct descendants of Lemurian  Culture. It is being revealed that this type of indigenous culture holds many keys to how to live in this newly burgeoning culture that many of us are becoming aware of across the world today. I have had the honor and privilege to not only live in the Hawaiian culture during my formative years of 8 until 12, I also have been witness to the distinct difference between this cultures sexual life and the mainlands version. I have to tell you that the mainland is the land of sexual aberration to the fullest and I will reveal the distinctions that need to shift our view and mindset that I feel will heal much of the pornography and misuse of sexuality in the States.

First of all and most importantly the Hawaiian culture views the body as natural. The body is always referred to as the body, nothing more and nothing less. There are absolutely no morals and beliefs attached to the body and its functions. The body is seen as a vehicle to move through space not a symbol or tool of morality or  immorality. Clothing and shoes are used sparingly, as the weather is always warm and even during the rains and storms which last usually around 5 minutes the sun always peeks through the clouds in between them. Our lives in Hawaii are lived in our bathing suits, shorts or a version of a dress which is a bathing suit top with a skirt sewn to it. As woman get older they usually wear a dress with short sleeves. Shoes are worn only when absolutely necessary.

Young girls attend dance classes as a rite of passage and the men drum and also learn ceremonial dancing. The costume of the girls and woman are a bathing suit top and a piece of materiel tied around the hips called a pali pali. This fabric is used to emphasis the hip movements in the dance. The men are shirtless and wear a similar pali pali around the hips. The feet are bare. The dance is sacred and body is also seen as sacred in this dance, it is the highest honor to be seen as a master in these dances. The torso  region between the breast and chest and loins are the main component used in this dance. Never ever is this seen as inappropriate. The honor of being in a dance group is one held in very high esteem in this culture, someone seen as a master in these dances is a person held in the highest regard. Again the body is the body, nothing more and nothing less.

In the mainland the body is used as a moral billboard. Upon arriving in Sandiego at the age of 12. The first stop was the local Sears to buys clothes. My 3 sisters and I received two outfits each. Long pants and shirts with sleeves. The constriction of my body in these clothes was unbearable and I cried and cried not wanting to wear this restrictive clothing. The worst part by far were the shoes, not even sandals were acceptable as the local school code required closed toed shoes. I just spent the last 3 or more years either barefoot or wearing flip flops occasionally, to wearing what felt like tombs on my feet. I was used to my bare feet walking on earth and was NEVER told put on your shoes. None of this could prepare me for what was in store as I began my sojourn in San Diego public school. The first several months as I left the house each morning a block away the shoes came off and into the bushes they went. I hid them there so I could return home with them after school. This began my frequent trips to the school office to speak with the counselor and the principal. Much to my dismay the conversations always had a moral tone as I was reprimanded for dressing inappropriately and how I should care more how immoral being barefoot was and that I should feel ashamed. This conversations became more heinous when I dared to wear my Hawaiian dress to school. I would be asked to put on a sweater and lecture on how unsavory it was to have my shoulders showing in public and the shameful message I was sending. Luckily for me, the Hawaiian  way of life was already imprinted and all I could think was, what is wrong with these people and why are they so obsessed with my body?  which clearly to me was just a body. Their constant attempt to make me feel self conscious only served to make me immensely aware of how sick their minds were. To draw attention and put a moral concept on the body is an aberration, and to think of it in a sexually inappropriate way is the sickness, not the way someone is dressed. It is the view that the body is a tool of morality that causes a society of sexual aberrations. It causes the unbalanced mind to turn to aberrant thoughts when any part of the person has abandoned real joy in their life.

I know that this has a great deal of significance right now as there have been many signs in my environment to point to it. This is the part I am unsure in speaking about will not be painful. I know that a society that does not begin to look beneath the surface and to the deeper meaning of situations and events, only staying in their current model and refusing the obvious will remain sick and eventually die. Recently my son left our family and renounced us to live in a cult. My original family has through sources and direct phone calls told me that I taught my son to life a cultic life because I did not teach and profess a christian life. The opposite is actually true, I have not led a cultic life, and on deeper inspections I have turned away from Christianity because it is cultic in fact the largest cult on earth today. It tears families apart and causes the believers to cast judgment on their own families, children and even loved ones. It teaches that you must follow the dictates of the religion which varies according to interpretation and sect or just the individuals interpretation of it. The definition of a cult is a closed system that demands that its followers belief a sets of morays made up by the church and tells each follower to be wary of reading any material that is not within its dictates and to stay away from those who are not followers. While I know this is overemphasizing as away to show that to call my life a cult is not only untrue it is ridiculous. I have always been open to any of my family members having a relationship with me and on the contrary they are the ones who have time and time again judged and ridiculed and ostracized me. the real definition of a cult is as follows

Studies performed by those who believe that some religious groups do practice mind control have identified a number of key steps in coercive persuasion:

1. People are put in physical or emotionally distressing situations;
2. Their problems are reduced to one simple explanation, which is repeatedly emphasized;
3. They receive unconditional love, acceptance, and attention from a charismatic leader or group;
4. They get a new identity based on the group;
5. They are subject to entrapment (isolation from friends, relatives and the mainstream culture) and their access to information is severely controlled.

This is what my son is involved with and any one of my christian friends or family who will say that I have done this is a liar.

It is very unloving and hurtful and unchristian of you to say that because I do not follow jesus that I have asked for my son to disown us. He has been entrapped in this cult as many lost and drug using youths have. The only wrong doing I have done in my sons eyes is to hold him accountable for his drug use and the way he treated peopled and used there resources without paying them back or compensating them. that is called tough love.

So I want to tie this in with the integration of natural sexuality and this cult and religious morality concept. We must stop using religious morality to shun loved ones and we must stop our hateful jealousy of other self expression by hiding behind religious morality. This cult that my son is in all dress from head to toe covered and say it is modest. It is not modest it is bringing attention to the use of the body as a tool of morality thus causing the body to be viewed as immoral and a tool of evil. The body is not evil and until we can love the body for its natural expression and stop judging it we will continue to see the aberrations of sexuality and the tearing apart of families and societies.

To drive the point home about the need to alter our views of the body. A beautiful young man who was the absolute light of a family who I have known and my children also knew and were friends with tragically died unexpectedly. This is the painful part, never would I want to cause more pain to a situation that no family should ever endure yet the deeper meaning and the similarities are so apparent to me. This has nothing to do with the death of this beautiful young man, but something very important began to surface as to the direct relationship to natural human sexualtiy and the family systems relationship. This is the revealing part and shows the transparency of who I am and what I have learned I learned on my own. This teaching that is called the Toltec Nagual Lineage came to me over many many years way before I ever knew way a Nagual was.  Being a Nagual is not something you learn, it is something you either are or are not, it happens through a series of perceptual shifts in awareness that are brought on by periods of what I can only term as experiences that cause awakening. These awakening create cracks in the emotional bodies of man and greater energy and awareness is the result.

It is not the sacred dance of life that is the problem it is the denial of this dance that is the problem. We are here to express ourselves creatively and we are hear to join together and share our differences in love and acceptance. I would have no problem with my fellow Christians if they would cease to use there religious to judge and separate themselves for me. Let a man be judged by his heart and let the heart lead.

It is the dance of beauty and the recognition of the value of the body and the value of the natural family through support of it creativity and innovation that will heal our lives.

with my deepest love and gratitude to all the players of my life and with special thanks to my most beloved teacher and dearest friend  Almine. If anyone truly knew her and witness the tireless hours that she works to free mankind from their shackles they would know what family and friendship was.

Dawn

This is an  issue is over shining my own light. Over so many years I have experienced others in my environment not understanding my intentions, not liking my energy, what I am doing how I am doing it. This has also had a strong flavor of jealousy over the ease of my life. I do need to point out that I would not classify my life as easy I would say that I have lived according to what I have seen as a higher order. I decide what that is and I make happen what needs to for my self my family and yes for the good of all life around me. This has not always been seen that way by others and now as I move out expanding the invisible boundaries I am seeing the programming that is no longer valid and I am booting it out. I am saying thank you for sharing the fake idea of your not good enough and a fool and should go home. You are a generated computer program that has no power over me. I am a real live Creator Goddess, I am good enough in fact I am pretty cool and really very interesting with boundless resources to offer others and life is calling me. It wants to compensate me and it loves me.

I am writing this for myself and everyone who has had any similar feelings of shame over who they are and how they express themselves. I am taking baby steps and mostly it has been wonderful, now I am allowing the body that suits me to unfold itself and reveal itself and I will not allow any guilt or shame to stop its unveiling. I love myself I am a beautiful talented magnificent and sexy Goddess and That is that

Dawn

As of the last two and a half months we have solved many issues, We have managed to have both home loans modified and found a renter to take over our Encinitas home. We are traveling back into the hills of Valley Center in three months and as always I am up for another moving adventure. it has really given me a peace of mind to be able to fully appreciate having my own home. The property has 5 acres, a pool and a main home with another building with two apartments and an office and rec room in it. There are several issues and with all the changes I have experienced I am really excited about finding creative ways to solve them.

Through experiencing the depths of sorrow over my son leaving to live with (crazies) my husband and I have grown more appreciative and understanding of each other. So much has come to light and we have both seen that these actions by my son were a result of his own misguided beliefs and both of my husband and I spent countless hours and years to help him find a path. He rejected school activities, and all the other classes and interests he took up. He refused to participate and be considerate of our family constantly over the years. His decision to run away to a cult is his avoidance of participating and working through the choices that brought him to such a low place and not because we did not raise him in a christian home. He had plenty of love and support and guidance, he choose to reject it.  We have both come to the realization that this is another way to try and make us feel bad and wrong, this has been his tactic for a long time, we want to be free to enjoy what we have worked for and to enjoy our bodies and our minds and the two children who are doing extremely well and that love and highly respect us.

It has been a year of balancing polar opposites and we can and should always keep diligent in not veering too far to one side. I am open and receptive to new ways of being that bring more potential and love and compassion in my life. I am the most important thing in my life and you should also be the most important thing in your life. Loving yourself and having high regard for yourself includes having compassion for those who are genuinely wanting to grow and be a positive catalyst for all life. When someone close, even your child turns to darkness, always keep the door of your heart open, but to follow them through pain and guilt and suffering is to hamper the flow of life. So I pray using Belvaspata and I also am a Huna QiVesta Practitioner and use Visualization and inspired actions. Yes I have cried and I have lamented and it did not help.

I will be posting a new painting soon and be continuing my study of child development this Summer. Please enjoy my paintings and stories. Pass on my paintings and work to anyone you feel it would inspire. I am looking forward to posting some stories soon also

All my Love Dawn

There is apparently a recapitulation of our life’s our family relationships world history and an undoing of all our limiting belief systems. Not some limiting belief systems but ALL limiting belief systems. Now we can see that all the years of inner work have led us to this place and we may be tired of it or geared up to really get down to the nitty gritty of the illusions that still linger. While the break down of finances and families look like the problem. there is not doubt that we can notice something is breaking open as these areas break apart.

Those who just muddle through and say I try not to think about it too much or I have my faith etc… laugh at the ones who are trying to figure it all out. Well don’t laugh what looks like a dolled up horse on a merry go round is a very advanced system of whats to come, unfolding. One day you will look at that merry go round and it will be an expanded realm of such beauty with flying pegasus’s and colors that you have never seen, all will be drawn to it and then you will say, Thank you for all your going around and around to get the deeper and broader perspective. Of course I will graciously say your welcome and be as amazed as you are.

So what I am noticing is that both sides of the negative and positive are going through this great joining and partnership. It is the what is and what isn’t that cancels out the matrice of illusions of space and time and all the things that keep us feeling separate, alone and in need of a fix. This being in need of a fix that is keeping us on the treadmill and causing discension and  atrophy. I have seen this in every conversation and event lately. It is that old scenerio. It’s bad but that’s good, then its good but that’s bad, only to be oh thats bad but it’s good again. That is the feeling of the beautiful intricately ornamental merry go round. We absolutely can all agree we WANT OFF. Yet in order to get off we have to be o.k with being on.

O.k let have some space of solution to the seeming problem that isn’t really a problem. I Am feeling it is in alchemy this can be achieved. Oh wonderful alchemy, the leveraging up considerably by combining two elements to something that is beyond what we could do with simple mathematics. If we can still have a preference for something over something else without an angst about getting that preference while taking the part that is not preferred. We combine these two elements and look at the gift of what ever the combination brings. This could be a new expanded awareness all the way to a development of a new breakthrough technology. If the solution is not apparent and still looks like something different than what we are presently experiencing, put the alchemical equation in a space mentally and as the alchemy does its magic watch the space expand and create this portal. The portal is where we are all meeting at, because what is beyond and through this portal is so different it would be like through this portal there are two suns and no one can say no there are not two suns because it is so obvious that to say that would be an obvious mistruth.

So as I complete this blog I will notice what opens up and be at peace knowing my good is always at hand.

Dawn

What a shocking moment it was when he went to live on a cult where he is always shadowed and told what to do in every moment. He gave up a life of autonomy, he told me he didn’t want to do anything and this is what he had been searching for his whole life. He changed his name, went through an erasing your family history and cut us out of his life. His given Name is Van Holliday Kubart, now they call him some very base unattractive name, he cut his hair, chopped it off. I asked him so so many times, telling him that I would pay to have it styled to look fantastic. No, he would wear it in an unruly knotted bun. He refused a job because they also wanted it styled, Yet in one fell swoop they took some old rusty scissors and chopped it off.  At least he is off drugs. he gave up outside friends and family and music and is taking on very fringe beliefs. This is so funny because I have often gotten from others that what I do is cultic, what a lesson in letting go and going deep within myself to get through this.

What is my choice now, I could let go and give up on my dream of a world of joy and expression, after creating this site so that my gifts and talents could be utilized by others on the path to joy and freedom. I have sunk to the depths and could not even speak or answer the phone for four weeks. I began by forcing myself to change my thoughts about this matter. I took it on like a deep spiritual journey of awakening.

http://www.alminediary.com/light-elixir-miracl/

My light elixar and chant pulled me out of this after doing the deep work to uncover how the guilt and blame served nothing and no one. Never give up, never become complacent in your challenges, never let the darkness completely envelope you. This is a test of the emergency broadcasting to system to see if you are on alert to you path and what is needed to get you to where you need to be to make it through the the golden age. Are we going to make it?

I think we are…. I can no longer dwell in the fear and terror of my beautiful world dying and all that I have worked for going down the drain, because some greedy bastards want fossil fuel and nuclear power. I will not let the powers that want to take my home, leave me penniless and struggling take over my life. My son left, but I have two other children . Jasmine who loves me and is diligently and bravely facing herself and her life, she is my Queen.  Ty, who is in Philadelphia teaching Science in the inner city. We speak every day no matter what. As frustrated as my tears have made him he still calls and we have amazing talks, we both respect and love each other. My husband Russ who I have been with for twenty three year.

I am contemplating  in each moment how to let go and live. I have more mountains to climb and I want to climb then vigorously with strength and fortitude. I have so many lives to interact and learn from, I have so many more fun outfits to create and wear. More riches to make and enjoy. I have so many more painting and portraits to create. I have so many more stories and myths to write. I have so much more magic to unfold and gifts to uncover and help other discover.

I am contemplating how to keep feeling good and to ride this good feeling to teach art classes and fun filled sacred journeys. so many beautiful animals to meet. Great movies to see, more dances to dance….. I am alive and I have pretty nice hair and pretty blue eyes to see the big blue world explode in newly formed potential. I see rain forest coming alive. I see people having more fun and free energy proliferating. I will be 50 in a month and I am still not even a grown up fpr a few more years. I am the beginning of vastly extended life spans. I am the beginning of the demise of an ego driven life to a holistic and inclusive of other lives living. My husband is taking me to Mexico for three days on my birthday, and I need to work my but to look good for that fun filled spiritual adventure. I need to prepare today for the, “Inspired Portrait class I am teaching in the next two weeks for ten weeks. And I need to feel good, feeling good is the only way to go through this life. If I am scared and sad I am not feeling good, leaving it difficult to inspire anyone or thing. I must train my thoughts to gravitate towards beauty and joy and gratitude. I have so so much love to giveand I do love all of you

Here is to Van coming home and loving his life and giving it all he can give. Here’s to Van recognizing who his friends are and letting go of the rest.  Not only that but to be everything I always have known he is. for his best and brightest to shine forth and lead each day, for this I will strike out and be brave and loving and stop lashing out from the pain and spend each moment in deep appreciation of this sacred challenge and the lavish beauty that continually surrounds me and is my being….. to Van my beloved child, friend and teacher Namaste….